The Happy Mother

Thirty years ago we lived in the Age of Aquarius; today we live in the age of the Internet. The differences are like and day, but the violence is the one difference that actually matters. Instead of peace and love being the national motto, we are living in a time of internet predators and identity theft. The worst part of this situation is the fact that the children are more in-tune with the knowledge of the computers than those who are sworn to protect them from it.

One poll conducted on the use of texting between children and parents shows that the average typing speed of child “texter’s” is 78 words per minute, while the average parent is only able to text about 7 words per minute. The use of phone internet and computer internet sources are increasing daily and the majority of the users are children under the age of fourteen. It is said that most adults should attend a local computer course to prepare themselves and give them the knowledge they need to protect their family from harm’s way. Children are very curious in nature; the more they are told to beware, the more they begin to wonder why. This seems logical but it remains to be a scary fact. To protect your children you must learn to be one step ahead of their curiosity.

Local libraries offer free classes on computer and internet basic and safety classes can be found through community outreach programs offered by various local groups. Check online for local classes conducted by free agencies, local charities, and parent groups. You may be surprised by the amount of free information that is out there and available to you. You can learn how to set parental controls, view browsing history, set passwords, block inappropriate sites and text, and be the household monitor of the computer in your home.

Take control and be in the “Know”. One wrong move can land the right information into the wrong hands. Children can have their identities stolen, just as readily as adults, if the information is handed to the wrong people and sent to the wrong places. Children can easily open private internet email accounts and store private information in these “secret accounts”; even diary websites are open to public viewing at the push of a button. You have the power to take control, take the classes, and take the safety of your household internet connection back.

This generation of Eighties kids has been labeled several things over the years. Interestingly enough they were labeled the Generation X or the Millennial Kids. This generation has been stuck with the reputation of being the most confused generation ever. Not only are the kids misunderstood because of the stereotyping involved but the parents are suffering too.

When dealing with children, teens, and young adults from Generation X (or 1982′ and up) there are a few hints that can keep things flowing smoothly in your home. Just because society is claiming the X-kids are confused and unappreciative does not make the issue untouchable. A few simple principles can be implemented to increase the level of communication and understand between you and your X-kid(s). When you begin to realize that your child is not that much different from you then you have begun your connection already.

Most parents have a personal epidemic looming of the correcting-fever. Have the words “I’ve told you this before” or “I’m not telling you again” passed your lips? If so, then you have probably been guilty of correcting your child a little less then frugally. Make the same step of being consciously sparing with corrections and try to be more deliberate with affirmations. It is only natural that when you give compliments, and focus on the good things your child is doing, that the bad things automatically lessen. Children sometimes do bad things just to get attention, and good attention is better any day.

Try actively listening. Most teens have a deaf ear on most issues, especially during times of reprimand. But test this out: next time an issue comes up try asking, genuinely, what the original purpose of the action was and then really listen. Stop trying to give all of the parental, all-wise advice for once and listen to them. You may find that the underlying reason for some of their actions were based on things that can easily be altered or compromised on. Just listen. When your child feels understood the difference in attitude is amazing. Communication is a two-way street, and the idea is to first try and understand before demanding to be understood.

There is a paradise city where elves and leprechauns come in the midst of the night and clean the dishes, vacuum the floors, and dust the armoire. But we live in the land of the chore-list. When families become swamped, and Mother’s go into overload, we devise plans to create a balanced way to ensure that the house stays clean and Mom’s stay sane.

The land of the ultimate chore list is a land of cleanliness and organization. By devising a single, master plan your life can become that of simplicity. Begin with the main chores of the household. Dishes (daily), bed making, vacuuming, mopping/sweeping, laundry, etc. Make a preliminary list and divide the ‘main’ chores from the ‘secondary’ chores. Then divide those chores into daily, weekly, and monthly categories. You may even want to add a section for yearly chores such as cleaning the gutters, or organizing the hallway closet.

Once you have the household chores divided into specific sections you will want to organize the chores into responsibility and capability sections. This is when you decide who in the house is old enough, responsible enough, and reliable enough to perform the different duties. Determine whether it is an adult chore, teenage chore, or a possible child’s chore. Make a list of what each person absolutely hates and work with compromise. The chore’s that will be set toward the individuals (such as making your own bed) will be divided into personal sections. When it comes to laundry you will make a personal decision as to who is responsible enough to wash their own laundry, or if you will rotate the duty all together.

The point is to make the duties easier on everyone. Especially Mom. The point of the chore list is to promote compromise and equality throughout the home. Make it a point to focus on the list for a few days. Take the time to talk about it. Don’t let one person assign all of the chores. You will want to spend a week or so developing the perfect plan and then as children begin growing or you begin feeling more confident in one person’s capabilities then you may add more to their list. If an older child is taking up more chores than younger children, then you may want to allow for an allowance for that child.

Sit down together, make some snacks, and enjoy the time together even if it is to develop a chore list. This will instill within the family a sense of togetherness.

Feeling helpless as a parent actually has coined a syndrome in response to the overwhelming amount of parents with these troubles. Helpless Parent Syndrome. This comes from the fact of the child’s behavioral patterns and not from, what some like to call, a permissive parent.

Helpless parents do not permit the behavior, at all, they are just helpless to stop it. Symptoms are typical of certain child behavior. The child is disorderly and the parent clearly wishes they wouldn’t. The parent may say they have tried everything, or that they were too insistent, or any of a number of reason and helpless mediums to the child’s rival behavior.

There are a number of particular characteristics noted in the parents that may lead to the particular behavior instilled in their child. There are a number of unrealistic prophesies that create an attitude of power and disregard in the children, while developing ideals of helplessness on the part of the parents.

Whether the parent has very little insight about their own child, whether they see children as having specialized knowledge that they fear will be lost with age, or they just don’t have older mentor figures in the child’s life, it can be a result of a number of things. The issue now is not what caused it strictly, but how to move toward healing.

A general rule for over coming these unruly and terrorizing behaviors can be simple in sound, but difficult in implementation. Take your concerns to small group counselors, such as church oriented patrons. Contact peer counselors for mediation. Or even speak with an older relative that most certainly has more experience than you in parenting.

The basis for success is to develop strength in leadership. You must be willing to say “No”, show discipline, and stand strong and firm in your actions toward your child. Feeling a compassion for your child can grow too overwhelming, and can eventually overwhelm you. You must show love and gentle leadership in order to effectively lead your child onto a new behavioral path. You must show them you are the parent, not a friend, and that you love them and your actions are to protect, safely lead, and teach them the best paths to follow in life. Do not be afraid to ask for help, it may be the best decision you make.